Canyon Trail Coaching Blog

By Ken Diller, President, Canyon Trail Coaching www.canyontrailcoaching.com

Ask just about anyone with children about their priorities, and they will likely tell you, “I always put my family first.” We have been taught that it’s a virtue to place others ahead of ourselves, especially when it comes to our family.

Now that a new year is upon us, it’s a great time to examine the concept of “healthy priorities.”  In ontological coaching—coaching which focuses on one’s Whole Being—we suggest another way of relating to healthy priorities, where YOU are at the top of the pyramid.   This is a strange concept for most of us.   We tend to provide selflessly to our families, friends, work, and even relative strangers, and then put ourselves last in the priority pecking order.  Or, we get so caught up in the “busyness” of our daily lives that we can’t even fathom consciously creating time for ourselves.

The idea of putting yourself first isn’t born of conceit.  Making yourself a priority is essential in order for you to “show up fully,” and bring your best, most grounded self to each experience and relationship you encounter.  When we neglect our well-being, we burn out, get run down, and experience heightened stress levels, leading to minor and major breakdowns.  Think of conscious well-being as necessary maintenance, just like we do for our cars.  If you don’t service your car regularly, you shouldn’t be surprised if it breaks down.  The same is true for you.  So, take a minute to identify what areas of your maintenance you are neglecting, and what the consequences are for you and the people in your life.  One thing that is certain, without making our personal well-being a priority, we are more likely to lose patience, perspective, and the ability to live in a space of gratitude.

So, what is well-being?  It’s the act of consciously bringing good to oneself, knowing that when we feel good, we access more peace and contentment.  This centeredness positively affects everyone around us—family members, friends, and co-workers.  While this may seem like a “no-brainer,” it’s amazing the lack of self care that I notice with clients.  While well-being varies greatly from person to person, meditating, exercising, getting out in nature, listening to music, and playing with your pets are some popular ways to bring well-being to yourself.

As the New Year begins and we set our intentions, how about setting the intention to create a well-being list of 7 items?  Some items can be practiced daily, weekly, or even monthly.  The key is to create structure around your list, and track your results.  You can post your list in your bathroom or anywhere else it is easily visible as a consistent reminder.  Send me an e-mail (ken@canyontrailcoaching.com), and I will send you a Well-Being Checklist and plenty of great ideas to consider adding to your list.

Whatever your commitments for 2011 are, the act of consciously making yourself a priority, and actively practicing well-being, will result in more patience and ease to deal with all of the “stuff” life throws at you.

Ken Diller is a life-alignment coach who partners with you to identify your core values and create a process to deliver life-changing shifts.  Contact Ken to see what possibilities await you through the power of a coaching relationship!

Life Coach Ken Diller

Photo: (Ken Diller)

“Coaching is about future possibilities not past mistakes” - John Whitmore

There are many types of coaching and many strong coaches in the San Diego area. I wanted to share a glimpse of one local coach and colleague of mine, who is making strides to change the lives of others.

JL: As an executive and organizational coach, I can look back at the past six years and understand the many reasons I decided to enter this field. Can you tell our readers what inspired you most to become a coach?

To read the entire interview, click here.

By Ken Diller, President, Canyon Trail Coaching

Small children live in a vibrant world of joy. They are fascinated by every detail of their surroundings.  A moving light, a silly sound, or a different texture can elicit contagious giggles. They show us how to simply be, without judgment or self-criticism. The result is a world filled with color and wonder. Such joy is accessible to the very young because they constantly live in a world where their Essence, who they are at their core, is readily accessible.

But, have you ever had the feeling that you are walking around in a black and white film?  That you are going through the motions of life, but that the world seems to appear in shades of gray?  Do you find yourself unable to either access the deep joy of living or rediscover a world filled with vibrant color?

Most of us do not live from our Essence.  We operate entirely from our linear thinking and react our external circumstances.  Over time, we disconnect from any sense of internal knowing (or intuition).  But what if you were to realign with this Essence that is so easily accessed by the very young?  What if we were to reenter the world of color?

In ontological coaching, Essence is referred to as your authentic self, stripped away of all external influence.  It’s the real you, beyond the labels and inner critic.  When you align the power of your Essence with your inherent intelligence, more power, joy, and contentment are the result.

When you are out of alignment with who you are at your core, you blunt your own potential by living from your Survival Mechanism, the opposite of Essence.  In a nutshell, a Survival Mechanism can be identified as an automatic way of being.  Experts believe that from about the age of 6 or 7, we develop these Survival Mechanisms, and then we continue to build on them through our lives.  At first, these Survival Mechanisms are very helpful as they keep you from touching a hot stove or running into traffic.  As you age, however, Survival Mechanisms soon take on a life of their own.  They result in the limitation of your potential through avoidance, fear, feelings of inadequacy, and defensiveness, among other blocks.

Here’s an example of our Survival Mechanisms at work:  Let’s say that your direct report at work gives you some “constructive” feedback. Do you start to imagine that you’re going to get fired?  Perhaps you try to garner support from co-workers or friends to reassure you that you’re doing a fine job.  Maybe you start feeling unworthy or angry, taking the feedback personally.  Or, maybe you just kick into high-gear to prove your direct report wrong.  All of these reactions are examples of your Survival Mechanism at work. (Remember, your Survival Mechanism is your automatic way of being).  Similarly, your home-life may be a hotbed of competing Survival Mechanisms as parents and children react to chaotic schedules, homework time, issues with extended family, and the juggling of responsibilities.

Feedback from family, peers, co-workers (heck, even relative strangers) shapes the lens through which we view the world.  Viewing our life through this externally-shaped lens leads most of us to live in our Survival Mechanism 90% of the time!  When we do, our Essence is stifled; arbitrary circumstances drive the bus; and the world of grey seeps in.  In Eckhart Tolle’s terms, the “ego” becomes overactive and a little internal critic keeps us from accessing joy.

Let’s face it; “stuff” happens in everyone’s life! We’re all living a human experience, and it’s natural that we will run into some “growth opportunities” along the way.  When you live a life aligned with your Essence, each circumstance that arises remains simply that a circumstance.  What is going on around you does not define you, turn your world upside down, or invite the gray in.  If you know who you are at your core, and design a way to live from that space 90% of the time, the result is a clearer perspective, and more joy and color in your life.

So, as the holidays approach and 2010 comes to a close, imagine what life would be like if you reconnected with your Essence.  In other words, imagine living a life more grounded in who you are at your core.  How would your perspective of the outside world shift?  What might change for you at work?  What fear or barrier would you push through?  How might your relationships be different?  How much more powerful would your decision-making process be?  And, most importantly, how much joy and color would return to your world?

After 18 successful years in the corporate world, SEH resident, Ken Diller decided to live from his Essence and pursue his passion.  He is now a life-alignment coach who partners with clients to identify their Essence and create a process of reintegration that results in life-changing shifts.